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Doubting The Doubts ๐ŸŒธ

“Have you ever thought of trying this colour? I think it would look good on you” “Why would you think that thing would look good on you? It sucks.” Or “What do you do, do you plan to explore further?” “What do you do, don't you think there are plenty of other things that could have been accomplished this whole time?” It's quite easy to recognise that there's a huge difference in both of these sentences in each example, right?  Well. The mind that can differentiate and understand the tone, and the meaning of the sentence just by reading, often fails to understand while hearing the same thing from someone.(fails in the sense - of always being unable to understand the true intention of a particular person.) yes, I have the same kind of mind and I believe many of us do. Yeah, I mean sometimes, I just cannot discern the intention of the person, which causes me to doubt myself (self-doubt) and constantly overthink. It creates a very large kind of chaos in my mind, which I know is...

Just Say it ๐ŸŒป



               So I did this "ask me a  question" thing on Instagram few days back. Instead asking me a question, I asked my friends what was the most random compliment/thing they got from people. Some of them shared their experiences, but the majority of people didn't respond (maybe they had not gotten my question right or  they didn't want to share).  

                I like getting to know the new people. When I do interact I simply notice their good things and I always try to tell them what I really like about them. When I do this many of the people say like why you always appreciate, but that's my nature and I don't really find it awful at all. But being honest about our opinion is not always good. By saying that I mean opinions shall be expressed within a proper respect and the timing is the second most important thing.

                Thankfully I have the best people around me throughout my childhood. Even my school teachers, friends had an excellent vibe where I could be freely by myself. Even though I didn't like socializing, my people always understood me well and never forced me or teased me with anything. I never had any kind of insecurities concerning my looks (being so skinny/having dark skintone etc. I was shy but a confident enough girl who can stand by herself in any kind of situation. I had experienced such awkward moment in my life that impacted my personality. 

               So it was a rainy season. I was with my newly met college friends to which they called ‘best friends' all by themselves. We were having lunch at one place. As I said it was rainv outside so we all were wet and my hair was damp. So I was really struggling with doing my hair( people who know me personally would get my struggle). But it was a good atmosphere, rainy outside and it was warm at that place. All was good until one of my "friend" opened up the most unnecessary convo. He popped up at me and said, "sharu, why don't you get a surgery done?" I said, "Sorry? I'm not getting what you're saying" then he replied, " surgery I'm saying what it's called. Haa…Plastic surgery, of your face!" I chuckled. (I thought he was randomly making fun of me) I said, "for what, what's this all of a sudden?!.."then he replied something that I still don't get why did he say that he said," A surgery would make you look good!( changla disnyachi surgery karun ghe)" I thought it was some sort of a joke, so i just smiled a little (that was all I could do because I was completely stunned by that comment) but he didn't laugh. All was there was an awkward silence, I paid the bill and went out without saying a thing.

                I didn't take that whole thing seriously. But as days passed I realised, I was no more taking any pictures of mine, also I would just don't take part in the group photos. Even when I would take my pictures I used to use tones of filters on them. Yes that small thing really did affect me until that one day.

               One day I went to Bhaji mandai. I was with my mom. I saw one little girl waving at me (even though I was wearing scarf) like she already knew me. I went close to her and I remembered that she was my junior from the school. She hugged me tight and told me that she misses me in the school a lot (we used to walk home together sometimes.) I felt so overwhelmed that she said this. Further until my mom came back we talked so much. Then the moment came that she had to go, she said,

"เคฆीเคฆी เค–ूเคช เค†เค เคตเคฃ เคฏेเคคे เคฎเคฒा เคคुเคी... เคคू เค…เคธเคคाเคจाเคšी เคถाเคณा เคตेเค—เคณी เคนोเคคी... เคคुเค्เคฏाเค•เคกे เคฌเค˜ूเคจ เคจा เคฎเคฒा เคจेเคนเคฎी เคตाเคŸเคคं, เคฏा เคฆीเคฆी เคธाเคฐเค–ं เค†เคชเคฃ เคต्เคนाเคฏเคฒा เคชाเคนिเคœे... เคฎเคฒा เค–เคฐเคš เคฎोเค ं เคนोเคŠเคจ เคคुเค्เคฏाเคธाเคฐเค–ंเคš เคต्เคนाเคฏเคšं เค†เคนे."

("Didi I miss you a lot in school. The school seemed different when you were there. Seeing you always makes me think that I must be like you when I grow up. I truly wish I should become like you in my adulthood.") 

             My heart literally melted listening all this. I couldn't hold my tears. She said these things with her little mouth and she had no idea that she just had moved off a huge "stereotypical burden"over me! This whole thing made me think a lot.

              We meet thousands of people in life and every single one of them likes/dislikes different things. Rather than showing the positive sides of things, people do not ever hesitate telling you the negative (according to them)sides. It happens with everyone. I don't understand why people find appreciating thing so devaluing rather than making someone upset with harsh comments. Even though we do not need anyone's appreciation to love ourselves, but we cannot deny the fact that everyone among us has been affected directly /indirectly with some kind of negative comments at least once. So let's always take moment to appreciate the good things we feel about others! ๐ŸŒป๐Ÿค

Also a big thanks to my friends, Kashmira, Tejal, Riya, Aishwarya, Fiza, Mayuri, Satej and Atharva for sharing their experiences and thoughts with me. It truly helped me a lot! <3


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